@waitfortheQ: My superpower is knocking down the same conditioner every time i shower.
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@AnkCoupleTO: Looks like the concierge is hitting on my wife again but who cares, this cherry danish I'm eating right now is on point nom nom nom!
@KalvinMacleod: FASHION BOSS: any new ideas? ME: how about a shirt with a hat F: so a hoodie? M: I call it a shat and as I say it out loud I hear my mistake
@TheAlexNevil: Me: Aww, look at that little puppy on tv. Isn't he the cutest?! Dog: The hell, Man?? Right here!