@_Promaniac: My superpower is to cross the road safely and get hit by a parked car.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hrtbps: "How can it be global warming," pondered @realDonaldTrump, "if it's cold outside? Cold is the opposite of warm. Science is hard."
@rockymomax: [adopting dog] VOLUNTEER: we need your life history to make sure this animal is safe [leaving hospital with baby] DOCTOR: don't let him die
@intellegint: Girls love it when guys: - are respectful - are handsome - eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun
@mrjohndarby: [meeting my gf's parents] her: *quietly* don't worry, my dad's nice but he doesn't say much [later] her dad: I love my daughter very a lot me: i see