@_Promaniac: My superpower is to cross the road safely and get hit by a parked car.
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@WilliamAder: My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush.
@juneohara65: I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?
@MelvinofYork: Me: Liar, liar, pants on fire! Nose as long as a telephone wire! Daughter: A telephone WHAT? Me: Wire. Daughter: That doesn’t make sense.