@Sanbel11: My superpower is turning "never again" to "ok, one more time"
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@david8hughes: Son: what will happen when I die? Me [lowers newspaper]: there'll be a lot of left over sandwiches & then we'll turn your room into a gym
@DarkerWillow: My husband thinks it's really weird I only like green bananas and I think it's really weird I have a husband.
@Sickayduh: [NBA Postgame] *LeBron wearing his fake glasses* "Questions? Yes, Lois Lane from Daily Planet" "Yeah hi. I'll wait til LeBron comes out"
@secondofhername: [if Lois Lane was a witness] Criminal: *puts on glasses* Lois Lane: I'm sorry, I've never seen this man before.