@ShakesREMIX: My surname: 'Ever.' My given forename: 'Superior'. Similar to a torn talofibular ligament, I am not one to be trifled with.
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@rockymomax: [having sex] HER: tell me your fantasies ME: I wish I was a dragon HER: no, I mean- ME: but instead of fire I breathe jelly beans
@OrangeFact: ME AT HOME: I'll eat a whole pizza & a tub of ice cream for dinner ME ON A DATE: *just chewing on tree bark* this is all I need to survive
@skylerhanrath: *training the dog to sit* Me: So you're already low to the ground, but you must get lower.
@nettie0918: I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn't care..... Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0