@Vodkantots: My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.
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@meatlobes: *im applying Chapstick and doing curtseys in the mirror* *dad walks past* *dad double takes* *im doing push-ups and drinkin a protein snake*
@Book_Krazy: *[At the dinner table]* "No grandma, those aren't knitting needles. We're having Chinese food"
@KeetPotato: me: "we put statues of you in every church and we all wear necklaces in your memory" jesus: "they better not be of me dying on a cross" me: jesus: me: jesus: "keith?"
@KalvinMacleod: GUY 1: a bee flew in my eye GUY 2: I just ate a bird GUY IN BACK: I can't hear u TOGETHER: there must be a better way NARRATOR: windshields