@Vodkantots: My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.
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@TheBoydP: If I had a time machine I would go back to certain conversations with my wife to see if she really said the things she's told me I forgot...
@EndhooS: Gunman: Put ur hands in the air. Now wave them like you just don't care. YOU STILL CARE [shoves gun in guys mouth] SHOW SOME UTTER DISREGARD
@JamColley: two year old comes up to me asking if I've seen a dummy, unaware that she's just set herself up for the most brutal slam of her little life.