@NoFucksWereGave: My teacher was pointing a ruler at me an said, "There's an idiot at the end of this ruler!" I got detention after asking which end.
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@Jandalize: I started running today. Also, there is a new mean dog in the neighborhood that interrupted my walk today.
@Book_Krazy: OUR KID WAS SOAKING WET WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM SCHOOL! Me: [water pouring from backseat] Listen, this car pool thing was your idea
@HiddenPinky: The limerick writers on Twitter Can be justifiably bitter The limited length Is weakness, not strength And throws our last lines down the sh