@juicymorsel: My teen thought it'd be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
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@noogscorner: The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What's your point?
@TheMichaelRock: Wife: were you even listening to me? Me: no Wife: then what did I just s...wait, what? Me: I said no Wife: I'm not sure what to do now
@mellimelle: In case anyone asks, we found these dead hookers while we were digging holes in the woods.