@juicymorsel: My teen thought it'd be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm working on a screenplay called '127 Seconds' about my fat co-worker getting his hand stuck in a Pringles tube.
@relatabledad: dude *scoffs like 7 times in a row* of course i'm not a virgin... i have lots of *starts readin hand, ink is hella smudged* secular intercom
@Jake_Vig: Today's assignment: Walk up to people with a manila envelope and ask them "Have you seen this person?" and pull out a picture of yourself
@iLiveSilent: In Ancient Days, Newscasters Kept You Updated On The Latest News Happening Flat The World.