@sara_ashlynn: My teen yelled at me for not waking her up for school. She's in the shower & I'm wondering when she realizes it's Sunday. This is beautiful.
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@OfficeofSteve: Cashier: Bag or plastic sir Me: Neither (scoops up forty items under my shirt and walks out)
@UncleDuke1969: The only highlight of a brutal moving day: Wife: "That's way too big to fit in the back door." 4 people in unison: "That's what she said!"
@WittySassBasket: Cop: raise your hands Me: ok, but if you looked down you'd see the same thing C: ma'am? M: they're right there C: how high are you? M: yes