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@iAmDelFreaky: My teeth are so crooked they should run for office.
@Thedudish: "Is my butt is too big?" my girlfriend asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Sensing a trap, I fell to the ground and played dead.
@heatherlou_: Nice try, private caller. I don't answer the phone if I know you either.
@gossipgriII: how do lawyers argue without crying
@t0shiba: I accidentally took a woman's multi-vitamin this morning. I have been trying to get dressed now for 2 hours but everything makes me look fat
@okay_andi: Make sure to make eye contact with the hottest person in the room as you stuff a burrito into your mouth