@PeterClayton6: My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me.
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@daemonic3: [traffic court] Your honor, I'm here to dispute 4 of my 5 tickets JUDGE: Repeat infractions? Ok, I'm here to dispute ⁴/₅ of my tickets
@TheTobbie: CASHIER: 300. ME: Ha, like the movie. CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld. ME: Ha, like the comedian. CASHIER: ... ME: Ha, like a mime...
@thetits: [just meeting a new group of people] My brain: say something cool and different Me: HOW YA'LL GOT?? Brain: nice