@Dawn_M_: My therapist doesn't believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
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@Amburglar_: According to Facebook, 78% of girls I went to high school with now own their own photography business.
@vapidaccount: Thanks autocorrect...clearly "I am fantasy" is a better answer than "fantastic" when asked how I'm doing...
@mattZillaaaa: [during a plane crash] Woman sitting next to me: OMG WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! Me: WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!