@liv_thatsme: My therapist told me to put away my phone and spend more time with my friends, but it’s like: hey, which is it?
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@NOTVIKING: god: we need some ideas for sharks angel that loves whales: what about whale sharks god: kinda similar to your last idea. anyone else? angel that loves tigers: you should make a tiger shark god: dammit does anyone have anything original angel that hates nails: i have an idea
@TheToddWilliams: Daddy, where do oranges come from? Well son, when a red and a yellow really love each other...
@copymama: I'm the kind of mom who burns one side of the grilled cheese, serves it to her kid with the non-burned side up, and crosses her fingers.
@Donna_McCoy: I update my Facebook picture to a jail mugshot over the holidays so my family will go visit someone else.