@LeftOf_Normal: My therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate, and then burn them." Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife handed me a mop so I inspected it and said, "You're good to go, woman!" and now the mop handle is in a funny place.
@DecantAndPour: I drink a glass of red wine a day for health benefits. The other 7 glasses are just for me.
@Beatonm5: Next time someone asks you how you slept, close your eyes & say “like this” & just stay that way for like 8 hours!!!
@MichaelAlliman: Cat 1: Are the humans asleep? Cat 2: It appears so. Cat 1: I shall now sing the anthem of my people.