@meganamram: my thigh gap is just a painted tunnel by Wile E. Coyote
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@xodeadlykissxo: Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.
@LaceyNycole: *brings donuts to work* Co-worker: I have a gluten allergy, so I have to watch what I eat. Me: Cool, then you can WATCH me eat this donut.
@OtherDanOBrien: [Bomb will explode in 26 seconds] *googles "how to defuse a bomb"* *clicks top result* *it's a 17-page slideshow.* GODDAMMIT *an ad plays*
@BlondeFacade: I sprayed Taylor Swift's new perfume on me then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby's.