@usermcuserface: My throat hurts, so I better keep swallowing 50 times a minute to make sure it still hurts.
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@myonlymizztake: They say using smaller plates will help you eat less. It took 3 of them to hold my dinner, not sure how this is helping.
@SkinnieTalls: To level the playing field, online dating sites should require using the picture in your driver's license.
@catstronomical: Me:Come in. It's not like I'm a serial killer. Him:*laughs nervously* Me: *laughing* u have to murder more than 2 ppl for it to be serial