@usermcuserface: My throat hurts, so I better keep swallowing 50 times a minute to make sure it still hurts.
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@GingerHotDish: *Throws up some gang signs* *stabs self in eye with salad fork* Hubs: Next time you do the Macarena, put your fork down.
@Elizasoul80: [God creating mosquitoes] "I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces."
@JKNenagh: I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.