@TheCatWhisprer: My toddler eats with her right hand but is ambidextrous when it comes to total destruction.
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@thenatewolf: Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.
@MikeCanRant: Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks.
@RorynotRoy: Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf.
@MischievousJam: I ate 23k pounds of cream cheese yesterday. BUT, there were nuts in it and I yelled FITFAM the whole time so technically it was health food