@Discourt: My toddler is legit angry at me because I wouldn't let her jump out a second story window today. This is why you need birth control ladies.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Home_Halfway: The proper way to make a Caesar salad is to repeatedly stab it with dozens of other people in a Senate building.
@imdaintyaf: Me: What's the point if it's not a little violent, dirty? I wanna feel alive. The blood makes me feel ALIVE. Dentist: Please just floss more
@iamspacegirl: God: *making Eve from Adam's rib* Adam: That's a weird way to make people God: Lol wait till you see how she does it