@Discourt: My toddler is legit angry at me because I wouldn't let her jump out a second story window today. This is why you need birth control ladies.
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@BlairLoudly: One time I threw my cat at a spider so I could escape, but sure I'd love to hold your baby
@shamans_heal: Pro Tip: If you leave an assortment of tissues, cold medicine, and a big bag of cough drops visible on your desk, coworkers will avoid you!
@thejessbess: Waiter: Did we decide? Date: Yes, I'd like the Sirloin. Medium rare. Me: And I'd like the Remix to Ignition. Hot & fresh out the kitchen.