@TheCatWhisprer: My toddler just threw her teddy bear out of her crib like she works for United Airlines.
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@hadafewbeers: Love it when moms refer to kids by age in tweets. "6 fell down today". Wonder if the kids do the opposite at school: "33 is drunk again".
@StellaRtwot: I bet you the first person to invent puzzles was a woman that ripped up a picture of her husband.
@Dildo_Hitler: Bruce Willis in Starbucks. he gives his name as "not Bruce Willis" and when they call him he grabs his coffee and runs away giggling