@djdarrellripley: My toliet has a lifetime guarantee! I never have to buy another one. When I die, my kid will inherit the throne. It'll be like Shakespeare!
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@ElizaBayne: "Move miss, please get out of the way. Please get out of the way, miss. Please get out of the way."- Ludacris's cousin, Kurteous
@ppppolls: 30% of Republican primary voters nationally say they support bombing Agrabah. Agrabah is the country from Aladdin. #NotTheOnion
@HiddleDeeDee: If it seems as though I love the dog more than you, kids, well that's because he doesn't have homework I need to help him with.
@simoncholland: A baby that is starting to wake up from a nap is like a solar eclipse. Whatever you do, do not look directly at it.