@pseudofauxme: My tombstone will just say "Deactivated." I want people to be afraid that I could come back.
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@EdgarAllanLo: Pharaohs were buried with their arms crossed over their chests because ancient Egyptians believed they took a waterslide into the afterlife.
@justabloodygame: "I didn't choose the thug life." I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.
@discountzen: I went to walmart today. I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof. This always happens to me.
@anagramps: *hot lady looks at me* Me: Hi! Do I know you? Lady: No I think I'm mistaken. *awkward pause* Me: So...is there a mister taken? *hit by bus*