@pseudofauxme: My tombstone will just say "Deactivated." I want people to be afraid that I could come back.
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@sip_at_home_mom: My son uses eating utensils with the accuracy and success of the most rigged claw crane game.
@sokangarude: People that say "we're not even white, we're pink" obviously haven't seen the parts of me that have never been in sunlight.
@InThaBurbs: Taking my sunglasses out of 2's hands while he naps in the car is the closest I will come to diffusing a bomb.