@JimmerThatisAll: My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
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@Ideal_Victoria: [At a psychic fair] Psychic: Ask whatever you want to know. Success? Work? Love? Money? Me: Can you tell me where my car keys are?
@dubstep4dads: that earthquake in LA was actually a huge crowd of white girls rushing into a wal-mart to buy a green t-shirt last minute
@murrman5: *catches frisbee* "this is the kinda thing I mean when I say you guys don't take staff meetings seriously"
@torrami: All the kings horses and all the kings men probably feel like they're being grossly underutilized with that whole egg thing.