@mooodles: 'My train was late' should be enough excuse to take the day off. Bosses please note.
@WordUpBitch: The second I feel pressured to do something, I'm out of there faster than a dog who hears his name and knows it's bath time.
@ray8968: Autocarrot sucks!
@iGreenMonk: She said she was turned on by men who took risks.
So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen.
@mostlydelirious: Did you fall from heaven? Because you look like Satan.
@Storminika: I asked a blonde friend to check if my blinker was working, her reply was 'Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not.'