@mooodles: 'My train was late' should be enough excuse to take the day off. Bosses please note.
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@markleggett: What if birds have tiny human-like ears underneath their feathers? That's certainly something to think about, but not during sex.
@NoogsCorner: The first guy to ever throw water at girl in a white shirt probably broke the record for the number of high-fives received in one minute.
@Parkerlawyer: Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.
@TheDailySchmuck: "It meant nothing to me, babe. I swear!" When my girl catches me in the closet eating Devil's food cake with my bare hands.