@GloGurL: My trainer suggested I get a tennis ball to message my back. I got it, but it just sits there. How do you make it go?
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@FloodyHippie: A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn't scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.
@Floatersfinest: I think the government looks at Twitter and thinks 'This is WAY cheaper than Asylums'
@tacos_y_cerveza: I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
@ramjitsingh_: It's bad when you accidentally tell a 9 year-old child, "Stay in drugs, don't do school" in a serious tone.