@BlakWidowBarbee: My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@XplodingUnicorn: My pregnant friends put me in charge of their gender reveal party I can't wait till they pop the balloon & find out they're having a kraken
@MacAnnabella: The next time someone describes me as feisty, I'm going to stand in front of them and air punch rapidly like Scrappy Doo.
@007Rex_Inc: *Running late *Light turns green but car in front wont go *About to honk when reads bumper sticker: honk if you love disco *Is late for work