@MalkyDungeon: My Twitter bio was too long so I'm putting it here
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@AskBellaWagner: When someone says "It is what it is," I reply, "Isn't it?" so we can both sound useless.
@Reverend_Scott: REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU
@msdanifernandez: *on death bed* priest: any regrets my child? *montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn't try to ride it* me: uhhhhh