@WilliamAder: My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else.
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@pharmasean: What's your spirit animal? "An eagle. They're so majestic." MEANWHILE Horse: hey eagle, what's your spirit human Eagle: this guy Dave
@THEINBREDCAT: Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
@Floatersfinest: I think the government looks at Twitter and thinks 'This is WAY cheaper than Asylums'
@CharmandBrains: *Throws all 900 baby items in garbage* *Buys Magic 8 Ball* *Whispers*, This is how we raise you now.