@WilliamAder: My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else.
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@OrangeFact: Sometimes I'll order things online & pay for handling but not shipping. I don't want the product; I just want them to move it around a bit.
@shkeeber: 1. Find homeless man. 2. Bathe him. 3. Wash & patch up his clothes. 4. Give him a record player. 5. Congratulations, you own a hipster.
@SteveSuckington: "I'm still a virgin" -theres plenty of fish in the sea "Ur right. I'll find someone" -no, I mean u should give up & be a lonely fisherman
@DirtMcTurd: How do I raise my kids? Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it?