@WilliamAder: My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else.
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@waydybee: Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails
@AimeeHelene1: *seductively slides hand along store shelf to distract you* *grabs last bag of Cheetos* *tucks, rolls, and runs away*
@DurtMcHurtt: My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my.. *golf swings* Pennefactor.
@internetluke: Jesus: saw that facebook event "last supper"... looks good but whys it called the "last supper" ? Judas: oh.. No reason really