@SaraESpivey: My Twitter crush is 4,762-timing me!
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@2014longview: If you carry a baseball bat in your car, you should carry a glove too. Your lawyer will thank you.
@Skullcat: I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
@robfee: House Hunters: "We want a slide, cheeseburgers, a clown." Realtor: Are you describing McDonalds? "haha no" *3 kids tumble out of trenchcoat*