@mjm866: My two year old just learned to say shut up. Coincidentally I just lost all guilt about clothes lining a toddler.
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@lecalabara: Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
@errdayhustlah: My kid sat on the floor of a public restroom, so I had to throw him away and now I have to make a new one. Parenting is hard, you guys.
@Reverend_Scott: [first date at restaurant] ME: so, do you like dogs? HER: no, not really- ME: [already at home watching Netflix petting my dog]