@msdanifernandez: My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.
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@BBQJones28: Tomorrow I'm gonna chase someone...like really run after them..screaming and everything.
@AbbyHasIssues: I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
@ThisLocalHater: To the middle-aged guy in front of me at the bookstore buying several martial arts books: Is that even legal with your lack of ponytail?
@QwertyJones3: Girl: I dumped my last boyfriend cause he always gave short answers. I never knew what he was thinking. That's so annoying, right? Me: Word