@msdanifernandez: My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.
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@Jaywoo74: Wife: You act like a child with that phone. Me: Child? I'm a grown ass man. Wife: Let me see your phone. Me: No. *snatches phone Me: MINE
@MindyFurano: Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I'm done talking.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: C'mon. Dog: No. Me: Let's go. Dog: No. Me: Please? Dog: YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!? Me: It's just rain. Dog: I already pooped in your shoe.