@megsaystweet: My Uber driver was telling me "stop apply lipstick!" and "start lipstick, Miss!" because of holes in the road... not all heroes wear capes
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@TheTweetOfGod: Attention crazy man on the subway: this is God. Please start telling everyone else in the car what I'm saying to you.
@lisaxy424: I'm going to bed and my hair looks amazing; I feel like the woman in every mattress commercial.
@writerPT: 5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!! *eats 3 fries* 5yo: Can I be done?