@ComedicBust: My uber driver's looking at me like he's never seen anyone eat a bowl of cereal in the back of his car before.
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@wolfpupy: if you are getting the names Jon and John confused call them by their full names, Jonaldo and Johnaldo
@KalvinMacleod: [date] HER: no more Scooby Doo imitations ME: ok WAITER: today's special is baby octopus ME: [Shaggy voice] zoinks HER: I’m done ME: ruh roh
@hippieswordfish: ME: help someone caught my wife in a big net 911: where M: between 2 trees in our yard 911:a hammock? M: idk what his name is just send help