@ComedicBust: My uber driver's looking at me like he's never seen anyone eat a bowl of cereal in the back of his car before.
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@mortimermaiden: Me: I'm gonna renovate the house once I get my promotion. After that, kids maybe? Date: Are you still talking about The Sims? Me: Of course.
@Parkerlawyer: *camping* Son, "What's the wifi password?" Me, "We're communing with nature, get off your phone." Son, "Does communing have two m's or one?"