@zachreinert03: My ultimate dream is to move back home, open up a bar and run it with all of my friends, and then burn it down for the insurance money
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MartaEffing: My date told me he was 32 years old. I responded by saying, 'that's how many teeth adult humans have'. I sure hope he asks me out again.
@GlennyRodge: My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Got a hot date this weekend? Coworker: Ummm...no. Me: I know. I was just reminding you. Coworker....
@_davidlucas_: There are 70,000 Jehovah's Witnesses in Melbourne for a conference. So I'll be answering the door naked this weekend.