@zachreinert03: My ultimate dream is to move back home, open up a bar and run it with all of my friends, and then burn it down for the insurance money
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@curlycomedy: You're invited to my Oscar party! The theme is movie star cuisine which means there won't be any food.
@jonnysun: DAD: wat am i chopped liver CHOPPED LIVER: [in this joke imagine choped liver is a sentiemt being] wat the hell is that suposed to mean phil
@CornOnTheGoblin: The lead singer of Chumbawamba died earlier today. During his autopsy his body got knocked down...and that's when things got interesting.
@tiffstevenson: Boyf said I look really pretty when I'm concentrating...I realised its cos I'm quiet! Either way it's the last time I let him watch me poo