@mrbuster60: "My uncle is a dead person guy". Me last night when I couldn't think of the word mortician
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@Ristolable: "Do you ever get the feeling Mitch is an undercover cop?" [MITCH enters] MITCH: Hey guys! *speaking into shirt collar* I brought the drugs
@bombsydoll: Yeah, I've got that Sexy Librarian thing going on. Except I'm not sexy. Or a librarian. I would like you to keep it down though.
@lilgapeach30: Siri just said I'm looking for love in all the wrong places so I'm tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone.
@XplodingUnicorn: My dog loves me, but he also eats his own poop. I don't think I can trust his judgment.