@mrbuster60: "My uncle is a dead person guy". Me last night when I couldn't think of the word mortician
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@liv_thatsme: There are so many scary things in life: -fear -hate -murder -injustice -the woman in line behind me who just said "boughten"
@MarioInAZ: Had this weird dream last night that I was Superman, but I was only able to fly really low to the ground because I'm chubby.
@Reverend_Scott: DOG 911: What's ur emer- DOG: OWNER IS CATCHIN POKEMON DOG 911: So DOG: HE'S THROWING BALLS BUT I CAN'T FIND THEM DOG 911: OMG DOG: OMG