@mrbuster60: "My uncle is a dead person guy". Me last night when I couldn't think of the word mortician
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@AddledPixie: "Mommy, why does an old person's skin look so see-through?" Aw, honey, it's just because they are getting ready to be a ghost. Sleep tight.
@markydoodoo: [GOD INVENTING MUSHROOMS] GOD: most of them are fine ANGEL: what about the ones that aren't? God: you get high or... you DIE Angel: dude
@WhatevaConc: People immediately behave better in traffic once they notice the Elf on the Shelf tied to my grille.
@theDanLawler: New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I'll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much