@Julian_Deane: My Uncle is either a good taxidermist or a bad vet.
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@Carbosly: There's this guy at work who's giving his wife a gym membership & a vegetable juicer for her birthday tomorrow. His name was Tom.
@AngelaEhh: When people say 'oh, you're still single?' I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married?' I'm popular.
@sofarrsogud: 🎶 It's raining yen. Hallelujah, it's raining yen - Winners of the Japanese lottery, probably
@rolldiggity: Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."