@iscoff: My uncle started shouting at me about my "misuse" of emoticons and had a heart attack ;)
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@stevezorz: Facebook now tags fake news stories from sites like The Onion with #satire to protect users who lack 1st grade critical thinking skills.
@IamEveryDayPpl: "Liquor in the front, poker in the back" is not an acceptable tee shirt slogan for my church's charity poker team... I know that now.
@CA_Country: My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you'll need a shovel and map to find him.
@Reverend_Scott: Strangers are friends you haven't met yet. Friends are lovers you haven't kissed yet. Lovers are corpses you haven't killed yet.