@iscoff: My uncle started shouting at me about my "misuse" of emoticons and had a heart attack ;)
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@EndhooS: [High school reunion] Classmate: I've been out building schools in Africa Me: I got banned from the zoo for gluing sideburns onto a dolphin
@BrandonVine: I bet when Kanye was little he played tag by himself, then argued with himself on whether he was tagged or not.
@ThingsDrakeDo: A shopping mall. Drake walks past a man dressed as Santa, who yells out, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" "Yeah," Drake sighs as he keeps walking. "She was."