@Amusitr0n: My uncle Terry told me not to worry, that love would find a way, but on the other hand he once took a shit in a hammock
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@chrisdowning: Pro Tip: If you stand outside a restaurant wearing a red jacket, people will literally just give you their car.
@TommyWallace: [First date] okay just dont let her know you're a trump supporter Her: so what kinda wine should I get Me: haha white is always the best
@RobDenBleyker: Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does the same movies over again. Who'll he fight? The same bad guys! Billion dollar film franchise.
@AimeeHelene1: "And this is my creepy husband, John." (The way my friend should introduce her husband)