@primawesome: My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
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@Amburglar_: If someone came to my door & said "We'll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink." I'd be living large.
@HatfieldAnne: (starts to scramble eggs) “THESE YOLKS WON'T BREAK! THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!” (.0008 seconds later) “Oh, ok.”
@rockymomax: [having sex] HER: talk dirty to me ME: I've been wearing the same underwear for weeks HER: no, I mean- ME: I drink my own bath water