@primawesome: My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
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@LeviathanPride: Overheard this locker room convo: "The new school janitor is weird. He's always hiding in here when we're showering". I took my mop and left
@OfficialMizGin: I hate it when a guy pulls out a chair in front of me. I’m never sure if he’s a gentleman or a chair thief.
@robfee: If it comes down to Joe Biden vs Donald Trump we should just accept our fates & let a chili dog eating contest determine who's president.
@someniceflowers: "my son, can I ask why you're carrying two HUGE crucifixes?" Well father, I've been... Double-crossed *God starts breakdancing*