@primawesome: My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
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@MelKassel: The woman next to me smells SO good, is it weird if I'm like "What perfume is that, I will literally stop robbing this bank if you tell me"?
@jctwritesstuff: *hears Siren's song* *eyes glaze* *walks in a trance ten miles* *breaks window to donut shop* I'm here, Mistress. *eats everything* *dies*
@daemonic3: [art store] You do free framing? "With any purchase" Ok, just this pencil and [slides a gun with wife's fingerprints] you know what to do