@Miniwheats2012: My version of "naked and afraid" is when I'm in the shower, soap in my eyes, and I hear a weird noise.
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@DougBenson: That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive
@Flattliner: I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed.
@Darlainky: Set your phone alarm to a song you hate. You won't hit snooze, because then you'd have to hear Nickelback again.
@SamGrittner: I'm surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn't incorporated into more American Holidays.