@Miniwheats2012: My version of "naked and afraid" is when I'm in the shower, soap in my eyes, and I hear a weird noise.
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@TheDailySchmuck: I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like.
@mrsjohngoodman: I ran over someone and now there's a bunch of flowers where it happened. It's like, I came back to apologize, not be lavished with gifts
@jdforshort: If sexual frustration could be transferred into a usable energy source, I would be sitting on a gold mine