@YearOfRat: My vocabulary can beat your vocabulary's ass, arse, bum, buttocks, rear end, booty, backside, tush, tuckus and badonkadonk.
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@mindykaling: When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring
@flashember: [to wife on phone] yes spend all our life savings on honey W: but- PLS JUST DO IT *ends phonecall* BEAR [holding gun to my head]: u did good
@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?
@jwoodham: Reports are indicating that Ivanka Trump may take on some roles of the First Lady. Still no word on who will handle the duties of President.