@jazmasta: My walk of shame is every time I leave a girl's house after watching "How I Met Your Mother" with her.
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@weinerdog4life: Don't ever ask a burrito if you should eat it, it will always say no, because burritos are really smart.
@ByYourLogic: 50,000 retweets and our professor will let us get our medical degrees without taking our finals! I want to be a pediatric heart surgeon, let's goooooooo
@iNusku: I had this one night stand, and the next morning I felt so guilty I bought another one for the other side of the bed.
@ItsDanSheehan: 7:43 pm: I am in an argument with my girlfriend and my anger is justified 7:51 pm: I have just apologized for the Salem Witch Trials