@jazmasta: My walk of shame is every time I leave a girl's house after watching "How I Met Your Mother" with her.
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@DevilryFun: Just once I want to wake up to something exciting. *Wakes up next to spider crawling on pillow.
@theshamingofjay: Whenever I see an account with a persons full name I always check to see if they're famous or stupid
@AristotlesNZ: I gave my 1yo a chocolate covered raisin. He chewed, paused, then gave me a look that told me he will never trust another human being again.
@imteddybless: [cool person follows me] me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it's only good tweets from here me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?