@TheBoydP: My walk of shame is leaving a handicapped restroom stall while trying not to make eye contact with the wheelchair guy who was waiting on me.
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@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole.
@Ygrene: Me: I heard Rihanna got food poisoning Brain: Stop M: It was B: No M: Salmonella ella ella ey ey B: This is why I can't do math in your head
@brendanmcginley: The Riddler always struck me as the Batman villain most likely to have been a pickup artist.
@VinnyPisciotta1: Good is the enemy of great. Sponge is the enemy of math. Metaphysics is the enemy of Walmart.