@bea_ker: My waterslide technique has been described as 'oafish', 'dangerous' and 'how did you get into the penguin enclosure'.
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@imdaintyaf: [I open my lunchbox to find flask of whisky] But that means.... [Cut to my 4 y/o opening her lunchbox to find a flask of whisky]
@longwall26: It must be almost impossible for chalk-outline guys not to turn victims' hands into turkeys this time of year.
@tastefactory: 2005: We want cell phones to be so tiny 2015: We want cell phones the size of the big rib from the Flintstones intro that tips the car over
@ashmensch: *steps on Lego* *stumbles backwards and trips over more Legos* *throws all Legos away* *Grandparents buy more Legos for Christmas*