@ChemBtwnUs: My weather forecast is always "room temperature."
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@LeagueofNope: No thanks, people who hum to themselves. I've seen enough horror movies to know that you probably just killed someone or you're possessed.
@BatBatshitcrazy: In the summer there's only so many clothes you can take off. On that note, please send bail money.
@XplodingUnicorn: My dog loves me, but he also eats his own poop. I don't think I can trust his judgment.
@CVTBaby: Hairdresser: How much should I trim off the back? Me: Leave it long enough for him to wrap around his fist twice.