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@ChemBtwnUs: My weather forecast is always "room temperature."
@kelkulus: All those years studying karate saved my life one night, when a man with a gun jumped out of nowhere and demanded I count to 10 in Japanese.
@warne888: When you're at someone's house? Normal people: "What a lovely house!" Me: "What's your wifi password?"
@talknerdyDMU: "Nailed it."
-inventor of crucifixion
@spicy_peen: *Makes piñatas that look like people's exes
*Retires a billionaire
@LeonEarlgrey: Necessity is the mother of invention, and the wife of bill.
Bill is the only one in the family with a normal name.