@LoveNLunchmeat: My wedding vows were until death do us part. Yet nowhere did they specify cause of death...
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@JerryThomas: I just bought an answering machine and it doesn't work. Or maybe I'm just asking it the wrong questions.
@shutupmikeginn: My "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.
@RandomRamblr: [Sunday morning] *congregation of Catholics disagrees with priest and walks out of church* - mass unfollowing