@SamGrittner: My wedding will be open casket.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DraggingFeeties: "Your meal is being prepared and should be delivered in 30-45 minutes" Perfect. Just enough time to eat a sleeve of Oreos.
@robwhisman: reminder: the best way to say benedict cumberbatch is to the tune of photograph by nickelback
@ch000ch: CHIPOTLE MANAGER: we can't figure out why these e.coli outbreaks keep happening ME: [bathing in a tub of salsa in the back] ya very weird
@gerryhallcomedy: My son used to check under the bed for monsters. So once I hid under there - so he'd see me and laugh. Anyway, child therapy is pricey.