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@SharkJelly: [My Wedding]
Me: I do
Me: Or do I?
@Cads_wallop: Judging by the way I just reacted to not being able to find the TV remote, I’m not the type of person you’d want around in a crisis
@novicefather: Shoutout to that one time I confused narcolepsy and necrophilia during a job interview.
@iinkedZombie: Me: can you help with the dishes?
5 [licks dirty silverware] yeah.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change.
4yo: *Goes upstairs
*Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas
@GrowlyGrego: *wakes up in cold sweat*
SHOULDN'T ELEVATORS BE CALLED SOMETHING ELSE ON THE WAY DOWN?