@OhNoSheTwitnt: My white cat has been beating up my black cat a lot lately so I guess he's been reading the news and knows he won't get punished for it.
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@TravLeBlanc: Women aren't that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
@SteveStockmanTX: The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out.
@david8hughes: [at the vets] He's really bad. He can't fly. "He's a cat though." [very sarcastically] oh I'm sorry is this the vets or the excuses clinic?