@Sassafrantz: My whole life has felt like one big hammock and everybody is watching me try to get out of it.
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@AmishPornStar1: If you accidentally use Pam cooking spray instead of Off... It still works, because the mosquitoes just slide off your legs.
@WheelTod: In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car.