@TheCiscoKidder: My wife acts like she wants to have sex, but then we don't. I googled it, it's called cuddling.
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@ahumanfireball: A perk of being in your thirties is waking up injured because you slept in a slightly different way than usual.
@SortaBad: Sorry I can't come to your thing tonight, I'm too busy figuring out an excuse about why I can't come to your thing next week