@TheCiscoKidder: My wife acts like she wants to have sex, but then we don't. I googled it, it's called cuddling.
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@YUCKYBOT: The difference between my "Maine lobster" and my "main lobster" is boiling water or a high five.
@_Water_Baby: *at casino* When he hands you $100 and asks you to go get chips, do not ask him Doritos or Lays. Get both. It will leave him speechless.
@Jake_Vig: Torn this election season. I think it would be awesome to have the first woman president. But I'm also curious about the apocalypse.
@LemmingDad: Keep in mind that parenting guides are written by people with enough free time & financial resources to write a parenting guide.