@joeljeffrey: My wife and did it twice yesterday and we didn't use any protection... I'm worried we might have twins.
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@GrantTanaka: Wife: you're drunk Me: no'm not Wife: I'M JUST A POOR BOY NOBODY LOVES ME Me: HE JURSTA PRO BROY FUMMA FLOOR FLAMLEE Wife: Me: ok lil bit
@RobertDuffy91: I refrain from jogging in the morning because according to Law & Order: SVU there is a 95% chance you'll find a dead body
@dwaghalter: Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns. It's a play on words.
@MsGreenGoddess: If you don't sit down to a nice big plate of breakfast for dinner once in a while, you're missing out on one of the best things in life.